Mary, this time it’s about you
When I first learned that Mary Lanning had passed away, it took a while for it to sink in.
Later that day, I went to the internet to find her CV and photo for this column. Her bio, her “story”, was hidden among the pages describing her projects and her great works of charity.
“Selflessness” does not cover it for Mary Lanning.
All of the tributes, emotionally profound and thoughtfully articulate, poured in to this publication and into the offices of the Insurance Federation of New York (IFNY), the association for whch she was an important “partner”.
The first call came from Peter Bickford, one of her closest allies and friends. Peter spelled out her wishes for “no fanfare”. We were both at loss for words.
Even such an article as this would probably not have fallen within the guidelines she prescribed for her “final arrangement” – see below.
At heart, she always remained Sister Mary, an avowed Catholic nun, with all of the ways and all of the self possession that the discipline of the cloth structures within its missionaries. And the complementary determination.
Her undertakings and devotion to the poor and underserved may best be seen in that light, a mission…one that found her serving Thanksgiving meals on the street in Harlem, shuttling youngsters to classes and to jobs early on summer mornings and speaking out about charity to business leaders. Real charity.
We finally found a bio that was published in 2019……
“For more than 4 decades, Mary has tread the halls of government and the towers of world financial institutions as a regulatory consultant and compliance advisor in the U.S. commercial insurance and financial sectors.
For more than 25 years, Mary has done this as president of ML&G Associates, Inc., a registered lobbying and government relations firm that supports attorneys, investors, business expansion strategists, and financial product innovators that do business in the regulated global risk, insurance, and financial products marketplace. She is known for her unique personal brand of intervention and advocacy. Public and private sector clients rely on her to facilitate best outcomes in public policy development and potentially competing commercial ventures.
Mary also is a driving force of Boys Hope Girls Hope New York, an international youth development organization which leads young urban teens past their limiting pasts through a rigorous residential college preparatory education. BHGHNY teaches them lifetime learning skills, re-shapes their expectations of themselves and the world, redirects their hopes, and builds habits and tools for a wholesome, self-directed life in and after college.
Mary is the founding President of YES!Solutions, Inc., a grassroots community-building charity based in Harlem, NYC. YES!Solutions connects the needy and the broken with those who want to make a difference to the forgotten homeless and elderly, to the dying and those who care for them, to “un-owned” immigrant families, to under-nourished / under-nurtured children, to impoverished recovering ex-cons and addicts struggling to rebuild their lives, and to others who fall between the cracks of public and private services, unnoticed in their isolation.
Mary’s “street life” is tightly intertwined with her corporate professional life. Most of her hundreds of volunteers are her business colleagues from the commercial insurance and investment industries and their families who share her simple process of bringing a little kindness to the streets.
Mary, a nun and businesswoman, is a regulatory compliance advisor and a community builder.
“That woman, Mary”, is her most common name on the street and in the halls of government.”
Nick Pearson’s notice to members of IFNY , expressed what many felt on hearing the news:
“It is with great sadness that I write to inform you of Mary Lanning’s sudden and unexpected passing on Sunday.
Mary’s great contribution to IFNY – the IFNY Summer Intern program – was only a small part of her decades long work to better the lives of the poor and the suffering. Her heart lay with those who were forgotten and left behind. She was fierce in her support of those in need and fearless in her work to comfort the sick and the grieving. She was tireless in her efforts. She accomplished more than any one person could ever be expected to and brought many of us along with her in her work. Mary did it all through love and she gave us the gift of her having seen and shown us the better angels of our nature.
As a small token of IFNY’s appreciation of Mary’s work on the IFNY Intern program and in recognition of the selfless life of service she lived, I will propose at our next Board meeting that we name our annual public service award the “Mary Lanning Public Service Award.” Those who knew Mary will miss her deeply. May her memory be a blessing.” – Nick Pearson, President, IFNY.
“Arrangements”
Mary’s approach to her “arrangements” is found in an excerpt from an e-mail she sent in the summer of 2020 to KJ Singh of Maya Insurance Company, a close friend and collaborator in the work of YES!
Hi, KJ.
Too long between check-ins. I hope and pray you and your family are thriving.
A little bit of an update. I hope it makes you chuckle with me.
My wicked family has dubbed tomorrow (my “hi-risk” eye surgery) as “D-Day” — Mary could be DEAD-day. They’ve been all over me for a long time to let them know my end-of-life wishes, particularly for the decisions that have to be made quickly by someone – such as claiming and disposition of my body, funeral arrangements, services, notifications, even preferred music. In the past few days, I’ve tried to address their wishes.
So, today, I pre-paid for a very simple arrangement: Cremation my future limpin’ lepre. ONLY. The icing on the cake came when the funeral director showed me the green fabric-covered box I’d fit in (in my future leprechaun outfit), and told me that he is required by law to send it to my designee by USPS EXPRESS MAIL! (Clever way to fund a foundering government agency, I think). I found this feature hilarious. Now my sister has to be at home to sign for it. “Pain in the butt, Aunt Mary’s at the door. AGAIN”. The only part of an entire life that the lawmakers decide must be absolutely predictable – 2-day delivery of cremains. Spend almost 81 years in suspense, not knowing what day and hour might end it all – and then you get a guaranteed 2-day delivery of your leftovers.
No church service. No funeral home pageant. No graveside ritual. No headlines. No obituary. No fanfare. (I hate hype, as you know. I’m not a headliner. I don’t want my life, or the lives that have trusted themselves to me for moments or hours or years at a time) to be diminished to a Spectator Sport. My family will just do it the old fashioned way – get together wherever a few of us are close enough to do it (220 family members in 5 generations in 5-6 states ), and tell stories. Share the pictures – whoever has any. Provoke each other’s memories. Stories are better than speeches. Memories and pictures and poking fun are part of a grand storytelling tradition – especially in my family.
Somehow, I just KNOW that the friends you and I share in our professional circles will do exactly this, whenever the word gets out that “Mary’s DONE”.
You’re on the list I gave my siblings, naming “my closest friends and professional colleagues”– so you will get a call or a text message from my sister IFFFFFFFF tomorrow really does turn out to be D-Day. We don’t expect it to, but we’re ready should it be necessary to make decisions. My doctor gives me 94% odds. This message to you is a heads-up about the other 6%.
I lived. I’ve been loved from the beginning to the end – way more than most of us have. I’ve known it, way more than most of us can. My family and friends (including my “street friends”) have known it. I’ve loved – deeply – from the beginning to the end. I’ve taken a lot of chances, some scary, all intentionally, wholeheartedly. I’ve lived a blessed life. YOU know it more than most. Thank you for being my dear friend.
I know you’re in my corner. I’m grateful to be in yours. I will always be grateful to you for all you gave to me and “my kids”, KJ – and for your kindness and mentoring to Abdul — and for your strengthening friendship and your super-generous support of my adventures in making possibilities happen so that others, too, might learn to believe . . . and to choose to do what it takes. Thank you for YOU.
Mary
We have lost a rather saintly woman. May Mary Lanning be enfolded warmly and eternally in God’s loving embrace.
